We have had an on going issue for almost a year now with a child in our neiboroughood. I'm not talking name calling, I'm talking physically attaching not 1 but 2 of my children.
I know boys will be boys, and teasing in good faith is all part of growning up but when people start verbally and physically assaulting other people (no matter what age) there needs to be consiquences
The first incident happen this time last year. I received a call from the principal at school that my oldest son has been attacked at recess. It took 2 adults to get a then 8 year old boy off my 10year old son. He was choking him to the point he was gaspin for his breath.
What happen??? Not much, he got a 1 day suspension and detention for a week. They had to report it to both the school board and the police because if the severity of it.
Of course because we are dealing with minors and all those lovely privacy laws the principal could not tell me who actually attacked my son.
From there the minor stuff started. The pushing, hitting punching, jumping on body parts and name calling. Which then escalated into my middle son having his head smashed into the ground by this same child and he then processed to kneel on his head while he threaten him.
Yes I know at that point I should have called te police. However I also know they legally can't do anything. They won't charge a minor, hell they barely even talk to them.
In the spring I came home from work to my oldest son crying in his grandmother lap because this same boy kicked him in the privates...hard enough to leave a mark and some swelling.
At this point for the second time I went to this child house, tried talking to his parents and nothing....I got a
"Billy why would you do that? You know that hurts. You need to say sorry"
That's it. Nothing more...an hour later this child was outside playing....seriously??? If my child ever pulled something like that id be damned if he would be seeing the light of day for weeks!
Over the summer we avoided the child, if he came over to play the kids told him no or I would say they weren't allowed out. Sadly my children spent a lot of time inside unless we were out of our home.
Beginning of this school year, we had 2 incidences in the school bus, the bus driver had to report it to the school. The principal (a new one) called me at home to inform me of it.
I had my IEPeeting my Alex's teacher and I brought this up to her and she said there had been some run ins with the child in the hall as well. Again all reported (according to the teacher).
So this leads me to tonight's issue
My breaking point!
Alex's comes running into the house, screaming that Billys beating Dalton up with a stick. Thankfully an adult witnessed it and also came over. She said that she seem the entire thing from her window and ran out to stop it.
She seen Billy run down the road and hide behid someone's shed, as my children's approached he jumped out and started hitting Dalton with the stick. She ran outside and took the stick away from him as he ran to his grandparents house. She went up to the door to inform them of what happen to have the grandfather slam the door on her an say he wanted nothing to do with it.
She walked Dalton home (grandparents live 3 doors down) and explained everything to me.
I'm fuming. So mad I'm shaking. The more I stew on it the worse it got.
The mother show up at my house with Billy and says she not sure what happen but he was hear to appoligise. So I start to explain what happen. She jumps in and says well have you heard Billy's side? No I haven't but go ahead. So she informas me that my children where calling him names...that he's fat and telling your momm joke (as in your momm so fat she....enter punch line here)
I look at my kids and tell them that there is no reason why anyone should ever be called those names or any name. That WE don't make fun of people because we know how that feeling.
Now talking to all 3 kids (cause clearly she wasn't sure what she was doing) I said
"There is no reason what so ever the we ever call people names, hit people, attack people, spit on people or touch other people in a mean way. I'm sick of dealing with all if this. It's been almost a year, the schools involved, the bus drivers involve and I can't be at the bus stop every day to pick the kids up. If you can't get along don't talk to each other. You walk down your side of the street you 2 walk down your own side"
She then proceed to tell me that my child was punching her son backpack a couple weeks ago and that may have started it ???
Why didn't you say something a couple weeks ago? She asked Billy to repeat what he had already told her( to see if it was the same story) and he did with difficulty.
He accused the children of calling him fat (they denied it) he said they used the your momma joke (which is where dalton lost his cool and started crying) and she had enough gall to say to him
"Well I guess that's another strike in the naught list for Santa!"
Pardon me??? That all you have to say? Your son went and hide behind a shed and jump out and started attacking my son and all you have to say it that??? What the hell is wrong with people????
She then left cause at this point I was going to loose my shit on her.
So I phoned our local police. There has to be SOMETHING I can do to stop him
I call the local police. Give them all the details. They asked what school the kids attended I told her, she asked for names...gave them as well...once I gave her Billys name she says "isn't constable Smith involved with this case???"
Ummm what case? This is the first time I've reported it to the police...I know the school has but I wasn't aware of an ongoing case???
I explained this didn't happen at school(cause apparently she missed that part). She asked for my address and then I get the....unfortunately I can't help you, you don't live in town. You need to call the OPP. Yep I'm aware, tried them first but its 4pm in a Friday. No ones answering. So I thought I would call the local department to get advice in what I could do.
She told me exactly what I already knew. You can't charge a minor for an assault charge, both party's are under the age of 12. But continue to report each assault...cause that's what they are... so we can keep an on going file. In the mean time call the OPP report it to them as well. And make sure to keep the school advised.
Perfect. So at this point im in my room crying. I'm so mad, I'm so pissed, I'm so stressed that all I can do is cry. Literally that's all I can do
So I get myself together I call the OPP and of course once again where I live becomes an issue. I give her my address. Can't find it in the system. I try and explain. While because the dispatch isn't local they don't have a clue about the area. I try over and over and over explain to the point I'm getting pissed off and even said "I'm glad this isn't an emergency cause no one would ever find us". She didn't think I was funny.
So after 5 straight minutes of giving directions and details. She found the street next to me. I'm like you got it, I live off that street!
After taking the report said she would pass it along and someone would either call or be out to see us.
10 minutes later the officer shows up. He was really nice. Talked to me first explained yet again legally you can't charge him then he came in and talked to the kids. Ask them some question and what not.
I said at one point "I understand kids will be kids, and I'm not saying my kids are perfect and they may well have called him a name but theres NO need for physical violence to happen EVER!
His response
"Word can hurt more then physical attacks"
NO shit...really. I'm well aware that words can hurt. But when both party's are throw words back and forth then someone gets physical that crazy.
Again my kids are not perfect. They call kids names. They get in trouble for it but again their kids. They do the typical your stupid, you shirts ugly and I won't lie I have heard them call someone fat before. They received punishment each and every single time. And will continue to receive it as long as I live.
So I try and explain where this other child lives. I'm not sure of the actual address but I have him directions. (It's 2 street over...we live in a 5 street community that like. Giant circle with side streets)
He says he will try find it, have a talk with the child and otherwise there's not much that can be done (again)
So he leaves, I have yet another talk with my children. Remind them yet again we don't call people names, we don't hit, punch, kick, spit, ect, ect, ect
I said to Dalton what joke did he say to you...now before I tell you I will once again explain. Yes I am a large woman and I give my 8 year old credit for not beating the shit out of this child (8wks ago he may not have been so lucky)
Billy said to Dalton
"Your momm so fat she ate your dad and that's why he doesn't live there anymore"
This came out of the mouth of a 9 year old child....seriously????
I'm still in shock.
I told Dalton I was proud of him for not losing his cool, and told him he know that's not true and he doesn't need to ever explain why or where his dad. It's no one business.
So as I sit here 3 hours later still in disbelief over what happened, I continue to shake my head.
At what point does it become the parents responsibly? If I/we can charge a minor with assault, at what point do the police actually step in? Once someone dead? Once my child is hospitalized with injuries???
When do we as parents take responsibity for the actions of our children? Morally or legally???
