Today's the day!!!!

It's finally here!!! We're headed out the door in 90mins for 2 nights and 3 glorious days of warmth, fun and relaxation!!! 

We're headed to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls for the second time. 

My body can't thank me enough after the freeze cold temps we have had lately. Their water park is a warm 28degrees celious (84 degress) ....it's currently -15 (5 degrees)with the wind chill. 

The kids are beyond excited....especially Nathan. He's been counting down the sleeps for about 2 wks now. 

He even asked if we could leave last night, which we couldn't cause my dad works night shift and doesn't get done work till 7am today. 

Nathan's been up since 5am, hopefully he has a nap in our 3 hour drive and HOPEFULLY the snow holds off till later today so we can get there safe! They are calling for 5-10cm of snow in the next 24hrs

I'm going to try and take photos but as I'm enjoying life more in noticing I'm more about living in the moment instead of capturing it (which is great for me but sucks when you try and look back in the experience). If only we could all have photographers follow us and capture life 

Time to kick start this body!

I'm now 4 months post op from my surgery, and the weight loss has started to slow again. 

I'm down a total of 113lbs since last April (68lbs since September). 

Eat is good....maybe to good some days!

Water intake is getting better!!!

So next step is to start really exercising. 

Because I'm laid off from 2 jobs and child support still isn't coming in, either is my EI I can't afford or justify going a gym (now that I have time daily to go of course) so instead I purchased some small items I can use at home till is warm enough to get outside and do more. 

I sold off the last of my fat girl clothes last week and instead of buying new one I bought this

The weight I purchased for $2 for both sets at a local used store and the steps I had to pay full price for 😕

But for less then $50 (including a new package of undies!!!!) I can get moving at home!!! 

My goal this week is to start slow, I need to be caution of my hernia....but I'm homing to do 30 mins each day. If all goes well next week I can increase my time or how many times a day I do it. 

I'm excited! I'm motivated! And if I stick to it, for my birthday I will teach my goal and reward myself with a treadmill! 

Wish me luck!💪

Another day, another possible issue for my boy

Today we went back to the allergist to get Nathan's blood results. I was in complete SHOCK and not in a good way

When Nathan was tested 18 months ago his level was 2.01, 3 weeks ago his level came back at 7.62. That's a HUGE jump even the doctor was kind of surprised. 

The only good thing about these result is he is no longer eligible to do a good challenge (where then make him eat his allergy under supervision and see how he reacts). This is a blessing. I can not imagine what would happen to him if he ever consumed a nut (of any kind). 

18 months ago they called to confirm his appointment and told me to pack a bag as they were going to do the food challenge at his next visit. Thankfully they didn't as his reactions where getting worse just threw contact 

Doctor has decided to keep him in his new inhaler daily till end of January, then I need to give it every other day for 2 wks, then every three days for 2 wks and finally ever 4 days for 2 week (good luck remember that schedule)

If at anytime his symptoms return or get worse I need to call his office and they will get us in with in three days (not bad for an office that is normally booking 6-8 months down the road). He has said that at this time he doesn't want to do any further test but if his asthma symptoms don't improve they want to do test for autoimmune disease (which is scary as it could be a number of things)

Now I don't know a lot about autoimmune disease but from what I have quickly read and previous new it could explain a lot about Nathan and his medical issues. 

As you may remember Nathan was born with 2 pools of blood on his brain which were causing him to have seizures, he was also born with blockages in his kidneys and ureter that will need to be reinserted into his bladder (we go back in March for his next check up). 

His food allergies started at 2 months old, diagnosed at 9 months olds, he's been test for diabetics as his sugar levels tend to run at the high end of normal, he has a rapid heartbeat, pale skin, increased appetite (without weight gain) and some other "small" issues. 

Which for a "normal" person/kid 1 of these things wouldn't mean much however when you roll them all together it could lead to other issues. 

So I'm still wrapping my head around all this new found information, praying that the new meds work and we don't have to do further test for autoimmune disease    

It breaks my heart when any kiddo has to go threw these test but it's so hard to watch your own child to continue to keep going threw them. 

Nathan actually had a small melt down at the doctors cause he wanted to go downstairs to give the butterfly another drink (aka give a blood sample). 

Fingers crossed and prayers said that my little man starts to get healthy and stays that way!

One of those day....

Were I wish my brain would JUST shut off. It's been running wild for the last couple nights and the last 2 days. 

I couldn't figure out what triggered the crazy, wild vivid dreams that started on Friday night till I wrote down the date today. 

It will be 3 years tomorrow that I found out the truth about where my life was headed. 3 years....already???? 

What a wild, crazy, sad, frustrating and exhausting 3 years it's been. 

If you would have asked me Jan 7,2012 what I though life would be like in 2015 it would be nothing like it is. 

Good and bad!

I never would have imagined I would finally go threw with bettering my life and having my weigh lose surgery, I would never imagine I would be working 5 (yes 5) part time jobs to keep a roof over or heads and food on the table. That I would be completely solo in raising my boys. That my ex would change as much as he has (especially towards the boys). 

I don't want to make it all sound bad cause it hasn't been. The boys and I have made many leaps and bounds, exciting memories, and a happy homelife.  But some days it just seems so repetitive    and exhausting. 

We have a very exciting year coming up. Lots of great memories will be made this year and a lot of hard work (on all our parts) made it happen. 

3 years ago, I would never imagine that my kids would go over 11 months (and counting) with out having communication with their father, that I would stop receiving financially help in raising them,  or that I would hold such hatred toward someone I spent almost half my life with and had 3 children with. 

It's funny how such small things can trigger memories and emotions, good and bad. It's also funny how those trigger always seem to hit me when I'm not alone and can't let my emotions get the best of me (which maybe better). I've wasted to much time thinking, wondering and crying about how I though my life was going to turn out, how I had no control in the changes that were thrown at me and to this day still have no control. 

3yrs later and it still seems like my life is being controlled by my ex and his selfishness and his new found ugliness. 

I hope and pray someday he grows up, smartness up and realized how much he has hurt his children (and I don't mean by breaking our family up but by walking away completely from them) 

3 years ago I was told that it takes till the 3 yr mark to conpletely grieve a loss (death or marriage) and as I hit this mark I'm starting to believe it's true. 

I've come to realize that I am whole heartily ready to move forward with life, I'm ready to open myself up and let the possibility of someone new coming into my life (if there is actually any normal ones out there????) 

I pray that someday I can find that person who was meant to come into my life to fill this void that I've been feeling for a while now, that can be a male my children can look up to, that can except myself and my boys (with all the issues that intakes) and love 120% for who we are....wish us luck! 

  

Holidays in a post

Well we survived the holiday season 😜

We stayed at my parents for 7 days (normal for us). 

Christmas was so relaxing, we took out time opening gifts and enjoying them. 

The kids loved all their gift so did my parents and myself. We were all spoiled as per usual. Every year we say we're going to cut back and every year I think we forget!

The boys are very excited for our getaway to Great Wolf Lodge at the end of January. Especially because it's a 3day/2night trip this time around and they all received PAW passes. 

We all received tickets to see Disney on Ice last Sunday. My BFF and her family joined us. This was the first time Nathan has attended. The smiles on his face were worth every single penny!  This is something that we all did many years ago (back when both of us only had 2 kids...LOL)

I'm hoping to make a date with Mr. Nate for our spring break to see the Frozen show! 

This year was a little different then what we are all use too,normally my parents host a family Christmas on Boxing Day (December 26), but this year they opted not too. We still had a small get together with some of the family. 

It was so nice and relaxing to not be stressing and food prepping all night Christmas Day. We decided to have a spaghetti dinner as our Christmas dinner. 

On Boxing Day we had the traditional sit down dinner with Turkey and ham and all the trimmings. 

We set up tables (both and adult and kids table) and all 13 of us sat and enjoyed dinner and conversation.

Typically we would have 23-27 people crammed into my parents basement and pre Nathan we would do eithe pot luck dinner or order dinner out. In more recent years we order out from Nathan safe restaurant and I do all the baking and other food prep so that I can keep him as safe as possible when there are that many people around. See where the stress part came in. 

Even though I took on the role of cooking both meals this year as well, it was so laid back it didn't seem like such enormous task. 

Because of the Disney on Ice show, my BFF and her family had an extended stay. 

Her hubby cooked us all breakfast the morning of the 27th, I had dinner duty the night of the 27th and then they had dinner duty after the show in the 28th. 

Essie pessie! Everyone had a say in what would be made/eat and not once did I have to be concerned about Nathan being safe. She completely understands how anxious I get when it comes to feed him. 

Monday night after work we "moved" back home...and we were all ready to be back in our own home and beds! 

New Years year I took the time to unpack and reorganized the house (my dinning room is now a kidcave) 

The boys received tablets for Christmas so we were able to eliminate our giant table/computer desk and now have a couch. The boys no longer have a tv in there room (which is making bedtime much more peaceful). 

We rang in the new year with a family movie night, Night at the Museum and Night at the Museum 2 (both I highly recommend for a family night!). Apparently the 3rd on is coming to theatres shortly so we will have a family night @ the movies to see it (a girlfriend of mine surprised me with movie passes for the entire family!) 

Speaking of suprises, as funny as this is, the friend I told you about that myself, my mom, my BFF and another girlfriend adopted for Christmas,suprises me (with the help of my mom) with a beautiful painting that almost brought tears to my eyes. 

I love it! It's now hanging proudly in my room and I get to wake up to it every morning. It truly you ha my heart that with everything she had in her plate this holiday season she took time out to paint this for me.  Oh and as far as I'm aware she hasn't figured out who her secret Santa was.....hehehe 🎅

After 2 weeks of unscheduled routines Ivan honestly say we are ALL ready to get back in track! Back to school & back to routine! 

Couple extra pictures....

Christmas Eve

6 kiddos @ The beach checking out the beautiful light display!

Can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for myself and my kiddos....hopefully we will continue to be blessed with happiness, love and health....and maybe a new friend?!?! 😝