Surgery update

So today I was suppose to have a scar fixed from the surgery I had in April (to remove cyst from my ovary), I had seen my ob/gyn about a month ago and told him that the one scar was still VERY sore, swollen and mean looking (it should be paper thin but it's actual about a 1/4 wide, bright red and very tender). He looked at it and said he wanted to fix it so it didn't cause any issues down the road. About a week later I had a large lump appear right beside that scar. And when I say large I'm talking like the size if a tennis ball large. I went to my family doctor and ask if it was a hernia (my mom has been battling on going hernias for about 7 years now since having a reconstructive surgey)...he felt the "lump" and said....I'm betting it is, but at this point lets hold off till we hear about the bypass surgery. If your approved they can fix the hernia at the same time" 

So today I went to see the ob/gyn and the nurse instructed me to get ready and I said hold off opening the trays cause I'm not sure this is actually happening. She looked at me puzzled but said "ok" I lay down and the doctor comes in. He asked how I was....blablabla and I said we may have an issue. I explained how the small bump is now a large lump

He pulls the sheet down and says....and I quote "what the hell????"

Yes my normally reserved doctor was in SHOCK. He felt the lump and said yes it's defentaly a hernia and he wasn't going to open me up to fix the scar cause it will only make it worse. 

So in one way I was excited (no surgery ment I didn't have to deal with having a local freezing, like the dentist uses, to have a 1/4 inch wide X 2" long scar cut from my body) but now I'm concerned about having the hernia repaired. Because of the size, instead of being down a day or two, I'm looking more at a 6-8wks recovery. Good news over all is if I'm approved for the bypass then they will do it all in one shot (while I'm knocked out!!!!) 

So now I just need to wait till the 9th to go to orientation to see if I'm a candidate...fingers crossed!!!

P.S. My ex has his manditory information session tomorrow and we have our first court date on Thursday....cause the holidays aren't stressful enough...wish me luck🙏

Confession time.....

Don't freak out, it's not a HUGE confession. Just wanted to share what's been happening behind the scenes in my world .... And no it's not a man (I've been asked 3 times in the last week if I had one???)

Back in the spring I had a friend who decided to get more information on having gastric bypass surgery. Which got me thinking....is this an option for me? Am I ready to do something serious about my weight?

That answer is ....YES! 

I talked with my doctor back in may and he said he would send in the referral, told me to think long and hard, do my research and wait. Well the longer I've waited for the paperwork to processed the more I've been getting excited about doing this. I've done my research, I have read anything I could get my hands on (good and bad) about the surgery, the diet, the prep work the post op work, the lifestyle change and I'm ready!

Good news....I go Decemeber 9 for my first of many appointments. It's 4 hours long 😯

I have struggled with my weight all my life...I've dieted, I've exercised, dieted again. I've seen doctors, nutrisionist, specialist....nothing worked long term. 

Don't get me wrong ....everything "worked" short term. The most I have ever lost was 60lbs.  That was last year, then I had 2 surgery in 6 months and guess what. It's almost all back in me. 

Even without the surgeries I hit bumps. Big long hurtful bumps. After losing 60lbs  my body (especially my knees) hurt so much I could barely do everyday normal actives. 

I'm not even making this up. I've never been a person to put limits on myself, never would ask for help (even with my aches and pains)....if there was any physical way I could do it myself I would. May regrets it after but I did it (even when my husband was here)

After that weight lose....I could barely move. The gym I went to was upstairs and the though of the pain it took to get up them stairs was horrible. Once up there I was ok ( sort of). I couldn't get up off the floor without a lot of effort (Nathan was 2....do you know how much floor time I should have been having with him)

The day to day tasks killed me. I was on daily pain meds, I was also taking my anexiey and depression medication and I was completely missable. My body hurt every minute of every day. 

Most said to me....you need to work threw the pain you have come so far. All very true, but when you can no longer function as a parent something had to give. 

Even though I have gained back almost all of that weight I did lose, I am now functioning again. 

Is this surgery and easy way out??? I don't believe so...for some maybe. But I'm taking this very seriously. This not only effects me but my children and my family. As a single parent I'm going to need to rely on my parents a lot when the time comes....something I hate to do. I'm looking at a possible week long stay in hospital over and above the normal recovery at home. 

I keep repeating to myself that this is  what I need to do to get myself health for my kids and myself. It's going to be a lot of work but in the end it will all be worth it   

Once I lose the weigh I vow NEVER to be this size again...EVER!

 

Realistically according to my Doctor my goal weight should be 175-180lbs. 

To me that is toooo small. I'm not a small person. I'm 5'11". I would love to be around 200lbs and maintain that weight (giver or take)

The thought that I could ever even be in the 200 (even 299) seems so foreign to me....so unintamable. When I was working work out daily I couldn't get past 340. 

This surgery isn't something I've told many people about (my parents, my niece and my girlfriend that is still considering it herself) I'm not hiding it at all I'm just not broadcasting it either. I realize at some point I will need to tell my ex as well (hopefully he will support me and my choice ) I'm going to need him to step up durning this process (fingers crossed)

I felt it was safe to share this here, I know it's not as taboo as it use to be but there is still a lot of stigma attached to this surgery and we all know how well I deal with stigmas. 

Thanks for listening, my nerves are starting to get the best of me as my appointment approaches (as well as everything else that's happening)   

Christmas games!!!

I just read a blog that I follow about how this mom organizes her children's Christmas list. We have all done it. A list for Santa, a list for mommy and daddy, grandparents, aunts/uncles....it's exhausting. 

As my extended family has grown and continues to do so as all my cousins are having children we have simplified our gift  exchange 

I tried posting how we do it know on her comment section...three times each which failed (or if they do show up I'm sorry)

So here's how our gift exchange goes!

For the younger kids (for use it's the second cousins...my kids and my cousins kids...were at 13 and counting) we draw names. Each child gets to pick a name at random and we have a $15 limit in theirs...we all have multiple children. 

Now for the adults....we play a gift stealing game!!!! It's a blast and depending on numbers can last hours...warning I mean HOURS. Our record is 3

Each adult that wants to participate buys a $25 gift and wraps it. Can be something you like, something you know someone else will like (Toronto Maple Leaf stuff is a big hit with the guys in our family)

Each person then draws a number (goal is to get a high number!!!)

Person 1 picks any gift (we don't have a tree set up were we play due to space issues) then unwraps that gift. 

Person 2 can eithe steal person 1 gift or open a new gift. 

This continues till everyone has had a turn. 

The only catch is...you can not steal the gift back that was just taken from you (simple right!?!?)

Now as someone who has always had a spouse to play this game with...it's fun when you can team up and get what you want. Hubby can steal for you and you for him. Last year was my first playing alone and it was a lot harder to get that gift I realllllly wanted. They is a lot of laughing, bribing, and bartering but in the end it's so fun. 

Everyone then leave the party with a gift valued and what they bought!

So if your family is looking to save some money and have a little fun I highly suggested trying this game...you won't be disappointed 

Hello there

It seems like it been forever since I've had the "need" to blog!

As those of you who read this regularly know I started this blog as a type of therapy. A way to vent and get things out when all I want to do is scream and yell. 

So the fact that I don't have to write on a daily bases has to be a good sign...right?!?!

Back in the summer I tried to do the typical blog thing and get have certain think on certain day so that I was posting daily. It was fun, completely unrealistic for my life and I was planning some events in my life around blogs. Completely not me. While I love doing things with my kids and capturing it on film, I hate stagging photos. 

While life isn't completely sun shine and rainbows, the kids are still having major behaviour issues, work is crazy, court sucks ass, co parenting sucks even more...on a day to day bases life good. 

The holidays are coming up, as I've said before the next 8 wks are rough for me but I'm determined to make it threw without let it effect me negatively. 

Next week would have been my 15th anniversary with my ex but instead of dwelling on that I'm celebrating being a home owner for 8 yrs (only 9 more to go and it's paid off!), I'm celebrating the fact even threw everything I've kept my house and made improvements on it since being single. 

I'm going to do a low scale Christmas this year with children ( and family) cause last year I went so over the top it took months to pay it off. I was trying to show them that life wasn't any different now and it was a completely lie. Life had change so much and in good ways and that's what we will celebrate this year instead. 

I'm going to ring in this new year with my children (something I regret not being able to do last year) and we are going to move threw 2014 better then we have in 2013 (which has been 100% better then 2012)....see a pattern???

I'm going to continue to embrace the life I have, continue on my new journey of become the woman I want to be but have always been to scared to do. I'm going to continue to work, show my girly side (where that came from I have no idea??? I'm not normally a make up and jewelry kind of gal but in the last 2-3 mths I never leave home with it) 

I'm going to continue to focus on the good, let the bad slide and count my blessing regularly!!!