Just a quick note...

As I get ready to head in for surgery tomorrow, my nerves are shot

Not only because I'm going to be put under, but also because of what these results may show. 

I'm almost positive that it won't be cancer but what could be causing the medical issues I'm having????

I'm starting to think that I'm imagining the pain, that I'm not really exhausted, that my body isn't in constant pain, could it really be all in my head???

I have fibromyalgia, which yes it's that same thing doctor tell you you have when they don't see what is causing the pain. I do takes medication daily (well almost daily) but because I am a single mom it's just mild. When I was working full time I was on amazing pills that took ALL the pain away and I felt great! But when I start back in them after my youngest was born, I was having issues staying awake during the day so I had to stop. I was able to take them on weekends (when husband was here) but now that they are only gone 4 nights a month it's just a tease to my body

Stress is a major factor in my flair ups, and to say I have a little bit would just be a lie!

2 wks ago something serious happened while my children where are their dads, which has add more stress to my life ( everyone is safe and physically ok!!!)

Once I'm ready I will post about that day

So today I ask for prays, that everything goes good tomorrow and the biopsy results come back clear, so I can begin to focus in getting life back to normal around here ❤

P.S.  the bday season post should have posted last Friday, not sure why it didn't show up till today??? Middle mans bday was good! They enjoyed the bowling and once I get a chance I will post some pictures!

 

Bday season has begun :s

As I get ready to again start birthday season in my house ( we are all clustered together from March-July) I keep having major flash backs to where we were last year. 

Well I should say where I was last year, all I can think about is how hurt and pissed off I was at what was going in in my life, how mad I was that their father had chosen not to attend middle mans birthday (not that I know how I would have been had he, but as a parent you would think you would want to be there...right)

Here I sit a year later and realistically, yes I'm personally in a better place, but the issues I'm dealing with for the kids is getting worst, their father isn't helping that situation. Every time I think we have turned a corner, he turns back and things go back to where were a year ago. 

Anytime we have a good talk (not that I encourage that, but we do have to talk at drop off n pick ups) by the end if the weekend something has happened an he starts another fight

We are all in knots the week before visits, and for about 2 days after they come home....so really that gives us 4-5 days if normal behavior and that's not working for me

No matter how many times I give him his out he won't take it, he says he loves his kids and won't ever leave, but then his visit comes and sure he physically shows up but mentally he's up at the North Pole visiting Santa????

I just don't understand it?

And because he is showing up ad is paying child support, I feel like all I do is fight to get my kids the help and support they need?

I'm sick of being told  they are "disabled" enough for this or because of child support you don't qualify for that...I just want affordable help for my children...is that to much to ask for???