As I think about what I want my blog to be, what I want it to show, what I want people to read and understand about me and my family, the more confused I get.
I don't want to come off as someone who only seems to write about the bad in my life, nor do I want you to think that I'm Miss Sunshine who is always happy and bubbly cause nether could be further from the truth.
The TRUTH is I'm a mom, I'm a woman and I'm trying desperately to keep life together for the sake of my kids.
Last year I could have very easily slipped in to a deep deep depression, I could have lied in bed and felt sorry for myself....and some days I did, BUT I didn't let my situation define who I was or who I was going to be!
I have fought tooth and nail to keep life positive for all of us, teaching my kids that even when life gets you down, you need to look at the positives in your life. You need to be thankful for all the things we do have and to appreciate them.
Sure I was afraid the fact that I was now a single mom, was going to hinder how my kids lives turned out. That they were going to suffer because of their fathers decisions.
I have made many positive changes, I have learned some hard lessons and have been betrayed by people who I stupidly trusted.
I have learned that even though I don't trust people easily nor do I let them in often, I do tend to find people that like to play on my generosity. I was taken advantage more then once in the past year, and as jaded as I already was, now I'm even more afraid to let people in, even when they have proven that they don't ask anything of me....even when they truly want to simply help me....which even to this day...I still have a hard time asking for.
I don't like to feel or seem weak in any way...I don't like to admit I'm in over my head. Even on the simplest things like hanging a piece of art work or fixing my plumbing.
I have some rough months as a homeowner where as a woman I needed a mans help...I will admitted now. I need to call my Dad to come help me with my plumbing, and my nephew, when out of no where all my drains (except my tub) were plugged, 2 days later they were plugged again and now backing up my laundry pipe and my kitchen sink...then to find out that I did in fact have to call in a professional and have a vent put in. So needles to say $300 later my pipes flow like theres no tomorrow and even if it happened again tomorrow...I would still wait to call any man to help this momma!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Pay it Forward 2013 edition
For my resolution this year my goal is to help a different person/family every month.
This isn't a hand out but a hand up...more for those who have been down on their luck due to whatever reason. Not people looking for pity party.
Some of the people on my list...(Yes I'm already up to May!) are close friends who have had some rough weeks/months, one is a women who when I first meet her I will admit that I was kind of taken back by her (like oh shes one of those people) but have come to find out she would give you the shirt off her own back if she thought you need it, another is a single mom who, like myself, her husband upped and left out of the blue...she was working full time while also helping a family member dealing with Cancer, only to have her hours cut back at work...and lastly is anther woman who has such amazing talent and runs her own business from home. I will explain more about each as their "hand UP" is delivered!
Now please don't think I'm trying to be this goody goody, a person who is only doing this to get the credit, because in no way shape or form is that true. When I originally thought of this idea it was to do small stuff, bake a cake, make a homemade meal and just drop it off, offer to drive a non driver to an appointment....little things that a) don't cost myself a lot of money (cause its not about money) and b) just to puts a smile on someones face.
Little did I know that when I choose my January Family, that a little add on a local facebook group would get so many people willing t0 help me, help others!!!
I have always said that I live in a community that when the balls are down, we all help to pick them up and but them back together. I truly and blessed to live where I do and cant imagine ever leaving!
My January Family who will be know only a Family F, is a family that this time last year thought there lives couldn't get any better!
They were in the process of adopting their first child and after many years of trying also found out they were expecting. Life was on the path to perfect!
Then at the end of February 2012, momma F went into preterm labour at 23wks.
I'm happy to report that Baby F is home, living everyday to the fullest but not with out many struggles.
After a lengthy stay at our wonderful Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, they were able to bring the baby home in the summer and finally start living as a family!!!
Due to his early arrival, baby F has had many many scary moments in his short little life but his parents are his biggest supports even when everyone was telling them there was no chance. Then never gave up and said they were willing to deal with anything and everything life and baby F had to throw at them.
I was luck enough to meet this family last march, while there were keeping us all updated on their lives. I'm even luckier to now know them personally and be able to help them on their journey.
Back in December as life would have it baby F ended up rushed back t0 sick kids because his feeding tube had come out of place, I had the honour of being trusted to watch their oldest son Toddler F....He is one spunky boy. Not unlike my own, he keeps you on your toes and doesn't stop from the time he gets up till he goes to bed....Momma F will tell you most wont take on that roll once let alone twice (I had already volunteered to watch him later that week when baby F had an appointment in Toronto).
Due to this hospital visit Poppa F end up missing some work and we all know how tight money can be around Christmas let alone, with 2 kids and just getting back on your feet after their first lengthy stay.
Baby F was scheduled for a surgery last week ( which meant pappa F was going to miss work again) and I knew how tight money was getting, like myself they find it hard to ask for help when they need it the most....so I thought, PERFECT...I will do a fill the freezer drive. I knew I couldn't personally give money to help pay for the many medical supplies they would need this month but I did know I could help fill the freezer with meals and cupboard with food so that they didn't have to think about it and could focus their money on what need to be bought.
So I thought let make the most out of the resource I have, I started by posting on my facebok status what my plan was...and the first person to respond was Momma F.
How was I going to pull this off now??? So I had no choice but to tell her my plan....she was shocked and gratefully. Tried to tell me there was other people out there that could use it more then they could, which just reaffirmed that I had chosen the right family to start the year off with.
The out pour to help was wonderfully, some of which haven't come threw but as i told everyone only help with what you can. I didn't want to out this family but I had some mutual friends guess who i was helping. I have many people donate simply because they knew who this family was...which honestly touch me.
What most don't know or even understand is how hard this momma works, yes all moms work hard....but this women is home with 2 children under the age of three, one with sever medical issues another who also has some issues they are working very hard on. Poppa F is home as often as he can be while still trying to support his family.
These two parents were meant to be parents in every way, they love with all their heart, even when life keeps throwing bombs at them, they help others every chance they can, and the love they have for each other is something that you don't see a lot of any more (sadly).
And I know if she ever read this she would say the same thing i do... "your only given what you can handle" and like me she is stubborn to a fault, independent to the point of exhaustion and would die just to make sure her boys are happy and healthy!!!!
Its my honour to know this family and to call them my friends, its also my honour to help them any way I can, cause of all the people I have come to meet in the last year... I know they will be around forever and never abuse me!
So Family F, my pray for you is that you always find HAPPINESS, even on the saddest of days. You always find JOY even on the day where all you want to do is cry, and you always remember how much you LOVE each other at this very moment in life, you two will make it threw everything life has to to offer you <3
And with that, I move on to February's Family!!!
This isn't a hand out but a hand up...more for those who have been down on their luck due to whatever reason. Not people looking for pity party.
Some of the people on my list...(Yes I'm already up to May!) are close friends who have had some rough weeks/months, one is a women who when I first meet her I will admit that I was kind of taken back by her (like oh shes one of those people) but have come to find out she would give you the shirt off her own back if she thought you need it, another is a single mom who, like myself, her husband upped and left out of the blue...she was working full time while also helping a family member dealing with Cancer, only to have her hours cut back at work...and lastly is anther woman who has such amazing talent and runs her own business from home. I will explain more about each as their "hand UP" is delivered!
Now please don't think I'm trying to be this goody goody, a person who is only doing this to get the credit, because in no way shape or form is that true. When I originally thought of this idea it was to do small stuff, bake a cake, make a homemade meal and just drop it off, offer to drive a non driver to an appointment....little things that a) don't cost myself a lot of money (cause its not about money) and b) just to puts a smile on someones face.
Little did I know that when I choose my January Family, that a little add on a local facebook group would get so many people willing t0 help me, help others!!!
I have always said that I live in a community that when the balls are down, we all help to pick them up and but them back together. I truly and blessed to live where I do and cant imagine ever leaving!
My January Family who will be know only a Family F, is a family that this time last year thought there lives couldn't get any better!
They were in the process of adopting their first child and after many years of trying also found out they were expecting. Life was on the path to perfect!
Then at the end of February 2012, momma F went into preterm labour at 23wks.
I'm happy to report that Baby F is home, living everyday to the fullest but not with out many struggles.
After a lengthy stay at our wonderful Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, they were able to bring the baby home in the summer and finally start living as a family!!!
Due to his early arrival, baby F has had many many scary moments in his short little life but his parents are his biggest supports even when everyone was telling them there was no chance. Then never gave up and said they were willing to deal with anything and everything life and baby F had to throw at them.
I was luck enough to meet this family last march, while there were keeping us all updated on their lives. I'm even luckier to now know them personally and be able to help them on their journey.
Back in December as life would have it baby F ended up rushed back t0 sick kids because his feeding tube had come out of place, I had the honour of being trusted to watch their oldest son Toddler F....He is one spunky boy. Not unlike my own, he keeps you on your toes and doesn't stop from the time he gets up till he goes to bed....Momma F will tell you most wont take on that roll once let alone twice (I had already volunteered to watch him later that week when baby F had an appointment in Toronto).
Due to this hospital visit Poppa F end up missing some work and we all know how tight money can be around Christmas let alone, with 2 kids and just getting back on your feet after their first lengthy stay.
Baby F was scheduled for a surgery last week ( which meant pappa F was going to miss work again) and I knew how tight money was getting, like myself they find it hard to ask for help when they need it the most....so I thought, PERFECT...I will do a fill the freezer drive. I knew I couldn't personally give money to help pay for the many medical supplies they would need this month but I did know I could help fill the freezer with meals and cupboard with food so that they didn't have to think about it and could focus their money on what need to be bought.
So I thought let make the most out of the resource I have, I started by posting on my facebok status what my plan was...and the first person to respond was Momma F.
How was I going to pull this off now??? So I had no choice but to tell her my plan....she was shocked and gratefully. Tried to tell me there was other people out there that could use it more then they could, which just reaffirmed that I had chosen the right family to start the year off with.
The out pour to help was wonderfully, some of which haven't come threw but as i told everyone only help with what you can. I didn't want to out this family but I had some mutual friends guess who i was helping. I have many people donate simply because they knew who this family was...which honestly touch me.
What most don't know or even understand is how hard this momma works, yes all moms work hard....but this women is home with 2 children under the age of three, one with sever medical issues another who also has some issues they are working very hard on. Poppa F is home as often as he can be while still trying to support his family.
These two parents were meant to be parents in every way, they love with all their heart, even when life keeps throwing bombs at them, they help others every chance they can, and the love they have for each other is something that you don't see a lot of any more (sadly).
And I know if she ever read this she would say the same thing i do... "your only given what you can handle" and like me she is stubborn to a fault, independent to the point of exhaustion and would die just to make sure her boys are happy and healthy!!!!
Its my honour to know this family and to call them my friends, its also my honour to help them any way I can, cause of all the people I have come to meet in the last year... I know they will be around forever and never abuse me!
So Family F, my pray for you is that you always find HAPPINESS, even on the saddest of days. You always find JOY even on the day where all you want to do is cry, and you always remember how much you LOVE each other at this very moment in life, you two will make it threw everything life has to to offer you <3
And with that, I move on to February's Family!!!
Friday, January 4, 2013
One Year Later
A couple weeks ago, I thought it would be smart to restart blogging!, However that night I started reading previous blogs....BIG mistake!
It brought back so many emotions that I wasn't prepared to deal with again, yet allowed me to see how far I have come.
I thought I had deleted all the other posts, but tonight as I rethink what I want my blog to be, I decided to keep them, as a reminder of just how much I have changed
So you don't have to go back and reread them, here's a quick summary before I move on....
January last year after 14 years of being together, my husband decided that our family wasn't what he thought it would be. Instead of coming to me and allow us the chance to work on it, he decided to move on. I found out 1 year ago tomorrow (Jan 7, 2012)
So lets move to present day,
I'm happy to report that not only am I but also my boys are adjusting very well to our new family, don't get me wrong we have had a hard battle and still have some kinks to work out but have almost turned full circle.
I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that have stuck with me threw all of this....there aren't many, but at least I have weeded the bad ones out. I have been able to reconnect to a lot of friends that I had once pushed away. Why, because they were trying to warning me, they were trying to protect me.
No my relationship wasn't abusive, in the physical sense but looking back emotionally it wasn't healthy either. I don't want to dwell on what I cant change, but the man I loved for 14 years is not the man that I'm currently forced to raise my 3 children with :-(
Since my last post ( which was on my 32rd birthday) I have been able to get my children back on the right track. My oldest son (10) was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in June (prior he was, add, anxiety, SPD). My middle son (7) is in the works, and my youngest (2) well lets just remind you he is, let say....cute! Its a good thing too, because man oh man, he is a hand full. On top of food allergies, kidney problems, and an attitude, he is so much like myself and his grandfather, but had the temper of his father (Cheeky but not always in a good way).
Another thing about my children is the all 3 have sensory processing disorder issues. For those who don't know what SPD is, it a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. For example, my oldest (up till June) had issues with textures. He wouldn't eat certain foods, or touch items if he thought the texture was different. He often plays with toys that are meant for much younger children and only have one correct out come (shape sorters).
My youngest son is the complete opposite, he is a sensory searcher, meaning that he has more energy then anyone I have ever seen, he is always, running, jumping, climbing, throwing, tasting, touching, getting into anything and everything. He doesn't realize how dangerous some situations can be. He thinks nothing of opening the oven (whether its on or not) to use the door to climb onto the counter. I'm not just talking abut one time or even 2 times either, no matter what I do (child locks, follow him, discipline him) he doesn't understand just how serious some situation can be. (not to make light but one day he climbed up the counter, walked across and climbed up on the fridge, when I went to get him down....he jumped) No I'm not one of those parents who don't watch their children when these situation occur, if anything I'm the complete opposite. There are many days when the only time I get to sit down is to pee, and YES I have to take him with me!
My middle son is another story all together. I'm still coming to terms with his "issues". We have a appointment at the end of this month to help get the ball rolling on help for him. (will explain in another post)
I feel like I have so much to share and don't want to make my post to long, so I will break my posts up to help keep them short....please forgive me if I tend to repeat some information. My goal with this blog it to someday help another mom or dad, who happen to be going threw similar situation.
Hope you will start or continue to follow our journey on the road to happiness!!!
It brought back so many emotions that I wasn't prepared to deal with again, yet allowed me to see how far I have come.
I thought I had deleted all the other posts, but tonight as I rethink what I want my blog to be, I decided to keep them, as a reminder of just how much I have changed
So you don't have to go back and reread them, here's a quick summary before I move on....
January last year after 14 years of being together, my husband decided that our family wasn't what he thought it would be. Instead of coming to me and allow us the chance to work on it, he decided to move on. I found out 1 year ago tomorrow (Jan 7, 2012)
So lets move to present day,
I'm happy to report that not only am I but also my boys are adjusting very well to our new family, don't get me wrong we have had a hard battle and still have some kinks to work out but have almost turned full circle.
I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that have stuck with me threw all of this....there aren't many, but at least I have weeded the bad ones out. I have been able to reconnect to a lot of friends that I had once pushed away. Why, because they were trying to warning me, they were trying to protect me.
No my relationship wasn't abusive, in the physical sense but looking back emotionally it wasn't healthy either. I don't want to dwell on what I cant change, but the man I loved for 14 years is not the man that I'm currently forced to raise my 3 children with :-(
Since my last post ( which was on my 32rd birthday) I have been able to get my children back on the right track. My oldest son (10) was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in June (prior he was, add, anxiety, SPD). My middle son (7) is in the works, and my youngest (2) well lets just remind you he is, let say....cute! Its a good thing too, because man oh man, he is a hand full. On top of food allergies, kidney problems, and an attitude, he is so much like myself and his grandfather, but had the temper of his father (Cheeky but not always in a good way).
Another thing about my children is the all 3 have sensory processing disorder issues. For those who don't know what SPD is, it a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. For example, my oldest (up till June) had issues with textures. He wouldn't eat certain foods, or touch items if he thought the texture was different. He often plays with toys that are meant for much younger children and only have one correct out come (shape sorters).
My youngest son is the complete opposite, he is a sensory searcher, meaning that he has more energy then anyone I have ever seen, he is always, running, jumping, climbing, throwing, tasting, touching, getting into anything and everything. He doesn't realize how dangerous some situations can be. He thinks nothing of opening the oven (whether its on or not) to use the door to climb onto the counter. I'm not just talking abut one time or even 2 times either, no matter what I do (child locks, follow him, discipline him) he doesn't understand just how serious some situation can be. (not to make light but one day he climbed up the counter, walked across and climbed up on the fridge, when I went to get him down....he jumped) No I'm not one of those parents who don't watch their children when these situation occur, if anything I'm the complete opposite. There are many days when the only time I get to sit down is to pee, and YES I have to take him with me!
My middle son is another story all together. I'm still coming to terms with his "issues". We have a appointment at the end of this month to help get the ball rolling on help for him. (will explain in another post)
I feel like I have so much to share and don't want to make my post to long, so I will break my posts up to help keep them short....please forgive me if I tend to repeat some information. My goal with this blog it to someday help another mom or dad, who happen to be going threw similar situation.
Hope you will start or continue to follow our journey on the road to happiness!!!
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