And like that...he was gone???

2 yrs ago an old friend got married, my ex and I went to the wedding to show our support. We were generally happy for the couple, they had been threw a lot and over come it all and finally took the step to get married!!!

Happy Anniversary to them both 🎉

Now looking back on that wedding something play hard on my heart. I've mentioned to my best friend before that at the time I was so pissed off by the behaviour and remarks made to me at the reception by my then nephew and another person (along the lines that my ex should leave me and go back to the fun person he was before we got together, that I control him, that he's been missable since we moved out of his home town). It hurt to be talked to like that, it hurt he didn't have enough sense to disagree with them (or even agree if it was true). I let the comments roll off my back because again it was a wedding, we had had mixed emotions about going in the first place but for our friend we said nothing!!!

The problem was, when my ex got around his so called friends, he liked to drink and show off. He would try and be "cool" like them and that would didn't fly with me. I would not be treated the way those guys treated their wives. 

I said something on the way home, I thank him for not drinking, and for actually going, and he then made a comment about what was said. He apologized for them and said he didn't think any of that was true. He was happy we left that town prior to the kids being born, he was happy in how his life was going and proud of "our" family. We didn't have a lot, but compared to our "friends" we were living the high life! We owned our own home, our vehicles, had a nice little family. 

Little did I know at the time, all those words that were said, were true? He wasn't happy, he felt like I controlled him, he wanted out???

How did I not see this? How could I be so stupid and nieve??? 

It also leads me to question if they knew? Could these people have known he was cheating? Could they have known that something may have been starting? Was it their screwed up way of telling me???

I've asked this question many of times since we split up, I've even asked him in one heated fight we were having. Of course he denies it, he denies everything.   Says he was never unfaithful, he never did anything inappropriate prior to me finding the messages in his phone the night I kicked him out. 

Again, I may be nieve, I may not have seen the signs leading up to that conversation we had in December, but I do know what I seen and hear and thought up until that night in January when I saw the message. It's burned in my head, I will never ever forget the words I read, the thought that went threw my head, the feeling of my heart hit my stomach like a ton of brick, the reaction I had, the actions I took in the heat of the moment. 

Do I regret it...NOT one single moment! If I had to live it over I would have done the exact same way (maybe played detective a little more before letting on I seen the message)

My reaction was to answer the last text she sent...with a "I know now and you don't have to hide anymore"

At which point she disappeared??? Imagine. Guilt must have kicked into overtime, she never answered any messages I sent that night. Nor did he when he seen what I sent the next morning. 

I will admit, I did some childish thing (like change his screen photo to a picture of her). He was so drunk that night he thought he had did it. He never said anything to me the next morning when I got up, didn't even look at me when I sat in our room and cryed my face off all day long cause now I had proof and couldn't sit in idle anymore. I wouldn't let him do this to me or my kids any longer, 5 wks was long enough to live a lie!

Remember other then my best friend and her husband, NO ONE had any idea anything was going on, we said we wouldn't make any decision till after the holiday for the kids sake.

Well the holidays were over and so were we!

I spent that day trying to figure what was going to happen next? How was I going to support myself and my kids? Was I going to have to sell my house? My vehicle? What the hell was I going to do? I had 3 small kids? Only worked part time. 

The smartest thing I ever did was make him sign paperwork before he left that night, he signed over sole custody with scheduled visitation over to me, we had in writing a plan (child support, how to deal with the debit) 

That night he left, with his suitcase as if he was going to work, I had taken his house key away (not that he noticed), he kisses the kids goodbye, and never came back.