Follow your gut....right!

Well, it's as if putting it out in the world scared him away??? That said guy from the last post seems to have dropped off the face of the planet...and randomly at that. Guess there's a good reason why meeting the kids never happened. 

Needless to say, lesson learned! And I can confidently say, I'm ready to start meeting new people with the hopes to dating!  I've though I was ready for a while, but now that I've done it once I KNOW I am...which is exciting and scary. 

So if anyone knows a normal, family primates man who isn't currently married please send him my way 😉

Normal is a key factor I've learned. It's scary how weird some people are, really scary. 

And well dating alone now a days is scary. Long gone are the days where your friends introduced you, your hang out a few time then go out alone. Well, maybe that does still happen, just not with people I know. Fun how when I would mentioned said man who's MIA, how many people I know that meet there partners/husbands online. So it is possibly to find a happy ever after....if you have the patience to weed out all the lonely, losers who are out for one thing!

Wish me luck 

  

Time is flying past...

It's been over a month? Where has the time gone?

Where do I start???

Well, all 3 boys passed to their next grade level🎉. I've hit and surpassed by personal goal weight 🎉, and I've actually been talking to a guy 😮🎉

First the boys....Alex is officially a teen? Not sure how 13yrs have passed so quickly but I can't be prouder of the hurtles he has over come in the last year. This time last year we (him and I) were stressing about after school daycare for him, how he would make out in junior high, and all the changes that brings. He did amazing, his grades have slipped a bit, but we will work that much harder this year. He rocked his first year of scouts, he loved it! This coming year, we are looking at the possible of no after school care (ekkkk), going away for a 5day sleep away camp, he's a volunteer at the summer day camp and has grown so much! Very proud momma

Dalton, has hit the typical preteen stage (in step behind his brother), his anxiety is still threw the roof, even with new medication. We are still looking at more options. He's enrolled in soccer again this summer. This year it's a mixed league which he loves. Sadly I believe this will be his last year as he finds it hard to "fit" in. One he's still new to soccer and 2 because he's "overweight" compared to the rest of the kids he played against. But who knows what the winter will bring. I hope he continues cause you can see how much he loves it.

 

Nathan...well he's still Nathan! He's still a talkative, smart mouthed, hilarious 5 year old...yep my baby is 5....CRAZY 😳

His allergies are still all over the place, food wise we have had a good handle on them with no major issues lately...thankfully. However his environmental allergies have gone crazy. He's on daily medication, puffers and still needs some emergency medications someday. He's booked to have surgery the end of August (not for his kidneys...still waiting to see what that will bring), afterward I have to keep him still for a week. He will have 3-4 incisions with multiple stitches in his stomach and groin area. This kid is never still, never quite, never dull....it will be a long week that's for sure. 

As for myself, I've surpassed my personal weigh lose goal. I'm currently down 171lbs!!! Last time I talked to my surgeon he said I needed to be at 175lbs and maintain that for 3-6 months before he will refer me to the plastic surgeon. 

I'm truly afraid to lose another 15lbs and then have the skin removed. That would put me down to like 145-150lbs....I'm 5'11" tall and although it would be consider "normal" BMI it's way to small.

I'm documenting "maintaining" my weight and hopefully when I see him in September he will be content with me at this size and refer me...then it's a weighing game to see if the insurance will cover it. I will pay for an upgrade to get a tummy tuck as well (the panni only removes the lower apron of skin....nothing above the belly button and they don't give me a belly button either). 

I would love to be able to afford a breast reduction as well but I don't think that's in my budget sadly 😩

And....so this may/will come as a huge surprise to some....well all of you (especially my bestie) but I've been talk to a guy I meet for about a month now...ekkkk. We have meet, we text, we chat, and we both can't wait to see where this will lead. I will admit, this is the first I'm saying any of this out loud to anyone other then him. I will also admit that meet/dating (which seems really weird to say not that we're at that point yet) is very difficult when we both have kids, I've got mine 24/7, we both work crazy scheduled and he lives about 30 mins away. It's not that we don't have time to see each other more, but with taking it slow, the down time we do have there's generally kids around and we both agree we need to get to know each other better before taking that step. That being said, it's nice to have someone to chat with after the kids are in bed, it's nice to go and meet for coffee (even if it feels like we  are high school  kids sneaking around behind our kids....I mean parents backs)

As I've mentioned before, I rely on my parents to watch my kids, I don't have a "babysitter". And well as much as I'm sure my parents will be excited for me, I'm not sure I'm ready for all the questions that will bring. 

Either way, we will make this work, we will wait it out and hopefully in the near future we will both be comfortable enough to share "our" time with those closes to us. 

I've missed that butterfly feeling you get when you wake up in the morning to find a text on your phone, when your phone rings in the middle of day and it's not the school/daycare/doctor calling. I've missed all that this brings and I'm excited to see what happens. 

Hopefully my next post won't be a month from now....LOL

How does time go so quick?

I feel like every second of the day is going by at warp speed lately? I can't believe that almost 7wks ago we came back from Florida? Seriously,it feels like we landed yesterday. 

I've always been told the older you get the faster time goes and I now believe it. 

Scary as it seems in 7.5 short days I will be the mom of a teenager??? Say what???

My babe, my first born, my little man, will officially become...a TEEN 😳

I will admit, this time last year it really freaked me out, but Alex has grown and matured SOOO much in the past 9 months there are days where I shake my head and wonder where this kid came from. 

Not only has changing to a middle school improved his self confidence, it's help his social skills. On top of moving up to Scouts (which have I expressed just how much he LOVES Scouts?!?!), if you didn't know better or seen him at home you may not even realize that Alex has high functioning Autism. 

He's now able to make it threw school, after school program and most of the evening with minimal out burst. I've noticed, school has noticed and his leaders have praised how far he has come this year. And when we do you can just see him beam with pride. 

This summer Alex will be taking a LIT course (leadership in training) and when he passe he will be a camp counsellor volunteer. Not only will this be extremely helpful for him to build his skills, it also helps me as daycare for a 13yr old is not easy or cheap to find.  

Alex is also signed up for a week long sleep over camp in August, threw Scouts. If the camp wasn't so expensive he could have gone for more then a week. Maybe next summer (which would give me a chance to save more). 

It's a bitter sweet moment in my life as I realize what a smart,independent young man I am raising. 

I hope that all the leaps and bounds you have come this year only double or triple in the next year 

Happy 13th Birthday big Man! I'm so very very proud of you         

Roller Coasters Rides

Well hello! 

Yes I'm still alive!!! Yes we made to and from Florida (and loved every single minute of it), we are officially into the nice warm weather back at home as well and I have been beyond busy with house repairs, yard clean up and just over all enjoying life 😘

There has been a couple times where I've started to write a new blog, got about half way done and realized, bananas this isn't going to make sense to anyone cause I haven't written in like 8wks 😳

This is a good thing right??? 

Let's sum up the last couple weeks

Florida was amazing, my body never hurt once single time we were there! I considered moving but well ya know 

We came home to snow....2 days in a row. Yuck

Alex went in his first out of town Scout trips, they went to the Dorchester International  Brotherhood camp about 3 hrs from home and he loved every single minute of it. He is signed up to do a week long scout camp this summer at Camp Samac (which is about 35 minutes a way). Him and I had our big date to go see WWE live (as part of his birthday present). 

Dalton has been a ball of emotions,thankfully we go back to his doctor next week. Something need to give with this child before we end up back where we were 3 yrs ago. He is headed to camping this weekend coming and is very excited. This will be his first camp trip alone with Cubs (the scouts are not attending this one). We find out next week wether or not he will do another years of Cubs (which I hope) or be moving up to Scouts (personally I don't believe he is ready). He also starts soccer this week. We have join a different league this year in hopes that he will actually know people on his team (down fall to living in the country) 

Nathan is ...well Nathan! We are still waiting to hear from Sick Kids hospital on when his surgery will be (hopefully August so he doesn't miss school). He started soccer tonight (cause the Monday of a long weekend is the perfect time to start)

Other wise he's doing good. Lots of Ashmtha issues in the last couple weeks. He's now on new medication and it seems to be helping as long as he's not outside for long periods of time (which with him is hard). No major food allergy issues, however it is the time of year were we are out and about more and we've had a couple close calls. Thankfully I am the annoying person who ask to read all labels! Sometimes twice or three times

As for me, well, I'm down 151lbs. Making me no longer obese, just overweight...lol My BMI is now 30....down from 51.7!!!

I'm loving the amount of energy I have! I've accomplished more in the last 3-4wks around my house then I could have ever imagined. 98% of it was without help!!!!  I'm now going for bike rides with the boys (wish we could go further and longer but Nathan's just not there yet)

I wish I could just keep moving, sitting still drives me crazy now....LOL

Still having issues with getting light headed and dizzy. But I'm trying to keep my sodium levels up (as gross as salt is)

I am so thankful that I made this decision for myself. I only wish I would have done it sooner. 

My ex is still a royal pain, he still hasn't seen the kids, still forgets to call on his night, still screwing me over on stuff that he shouldn't. (I'm now the own of 2 vehicle....unfortunately) everything wrong in his life is still my fault (and always will be) but the kids and I are moving alone and on most days couldnt be happier....now to find me a real man to share this new life with 😉

Happy 10th Birthday middle man

It's hard to believe I'm now a parent of 2 kids who are double digits??? How did this happen???? How can it really be 10 years since we were all sitting in a room waiting to find out wither you were a boy or a girl....everyone was sure you were a girl but SUPRISE we were wrong!

The second SUPRISE was you were 10lbs 4oz.....thankfully you were also a c-section....LOL

You were the crankiest, crustiest child ever. You cries more then you smiled. You were awake more then you slept, and unless you were moving you were not quite. I was convinced if you had been my first child you would have been an only child....yes it was that bad! 

However at 9 months old we started to figure out why. You had so much fluid and pressure in your ears you where basically deaf. The day after you had your first set of tubs done you were a completely different boy. You smiled, you laughter, you ate, you SLEPT. Our worlds did a 180 and it was amazing!

Now here we are 10 years later and although your my strong willed child, you are one of the kindest, most caring children I know. You always think of others before yourself (minus your brother) yet you hold your ground when someone tries to make you do something you don't want.  

You have a thirt for knowledge that I hope you never fill, you love all thing old and amaze me with the facts you can retain. 

Happy 10th Birthday Crusty, can not wait to see what the next 10 bring 😁

One year ago....

I had my first set of appointments with the Bariatic Clinic. The day before the trip I took my measurement. I also took this photo the morning of my appointments 

To see this photo puts everything into prospective....WOW!

The day of my surgery I had lost 45lbs total. 

This is 6wks after surgery 

This was the first time I really seen the difference in myself. Ive never liked having photos take. So I don't have many with my children sadly

Today I took my measurements again, not only am I down 133lbs in 1 year I've also lost 65.5" total off my body 😮

I truly am greatfull for what this decision has gone for my life, my health and my family. My only regret is not doing it sooner (however I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and there must have been one for me waiting!)

This photo completely shocked me...I see the difference all the time now (especially in my clothes) but till I seen this side by side I never really seen the OVER all difference 

I can not wait to get to goal and hopefully be approved for skin removal surgery...till then....thank god for spanxs! 

And once again we have an issue....

NOTE; this was suppose to post a month ago????

So today the kids all did their valentines at school. I will admit I was scared to send Nathan as I know first hand how hard it is to find nut free stuff for this time of year (second to Easter). 

The principal called me 2 wks ago to talk about there Valentine's Day fundraiser they do and to ask my advice as they couldn't find that they could sell that was safe. 

Well needles to say this is what Nathan came home with today 

 So I will fully admit that I can't say for 100% that the suckers are not nut free, however from my experience if they were they would be clearly labeled!

The heart shaped chocolates I know for a fact are not! These are what the school normally sells for their fundraiser. 

I instantly emailed the principal with my concerns and anger that this is yet again happening. 

This could be my final draw, my sins life can't keep being put in danger! 

I let them in in my secrete!

Well today was the day, I finally told my kiddos where headed to Florida in 25 glorious days!!!!

I stopped after work, picked up some Florida themed balloons, hide them in a box (and a suitcase...guess I bought to many). Called them into the living room had them open them up and read all the messages in the different balloons!!!!

Tried to capture this on video and sadly....it didn't record 😞

Nathan was so excited he got a balloon, no idea about anything else that was going on (not sure what his obsession is with balloons?!?!)

Dalton did all the reading, not in any order and got confussed...Lol

In separate balloons I wrote

We are going to

Florida

Disneyland

Universal Studios

April 10,2015

It was funny to watch (again I wish I could have got it)

Alex is the one who finally put it all together. 

They are excited (not as excited as I thought they would be) but I'm sure as we get closer it will build. 

Now the best part....I can now start packing!!!!

On a side note....we are loving the beautiful weather....we still have snow but we also have grass and lots of sunshine. We will take it!! 

Kids are on March Break this week (reading week for those it outside of ontario)

Not a lot of plans. I have most of the week off, plan to paint my room, Nate and I have our date on Saturday! 

Older boys are going

To the movies with my parents. 

Look the week is gone already and were that much closer to Florida!! ✈️

Life's been good!

Other then the wicked cold weather and mountains of snow we have been getting ...life has been good! As you can tell by my lack of venting 

The month of February may only have 28 days but this year it feel like it's been 100. We had 24 days of extreme cold advisory here in great old Ontario....24 day of weather that without the wind chill was more then -15 (most were -35 or colder with the winds that seem to go none stop at 80km/h) the kids haven't been having outdoor recess nor have we been spending time outside cause again when your skin freezes the second you open the door and then burns for 2 hours when you come back in, it's just not fun.

Otherwise life is good! I'm starting to get into vacation mood (42 days to go). Plans have changed slightly but we are still going! My parents will be flying home early, leaving me and the 3 boys alone for 4 days (which I'm good with, little nervous about flying home alone with 3 kids but I will get it done). 

I've started getting some new to me clothes to take with me in the trip for myself. Now to hope they will fit in 6wks and not be to big. Have I mentioned in sick of clothes??? I feel like I've gone threw 4 set since September. Which is good but is it ever taxing in my budget. 

The kids received their report cards last week! All is good 🙏

Did I meantion I finally broke down and bought myself a treadmill???

I scored a really good one for a price I couldn't pass up! I rearranged my living room so that it would "fit"....that last 24hrs. I don't k ow who I was kidding thinking I would be able to living with it in my living room???

By day 3 it had a new home, in my new bedroom!  Yep I bite the bullet and moved all 4 of us around the house just to fit the treadmill into my room. In all honest I was out growing my little 6'x10' room. The kids weren't using the big bedroom for anything other then sleeping since they got there kid cave so I said, let move!

The 2 older boys now share the little room (thank god we have loft style bunks so there dressers fit underneath or it would t have been possible), Nathan moved to the second part of the master bedroom (most would use this as a giant walk in closet or a sitting area) this would be the second time I've used it as a bedroom (Nathan was in there when he was first born up until I became a single mom). And I'm now back in the master bedroom, which I will admit was a weird feeling, still is? My dreams have been wild since the move. More so then normal. But this allows me to have the space I need and can actually utilize!!! 

The older boys like the idea that they have a choice now if Nathan is allowed in their room (as does he with his room). Bedtime is going great! None of the kids have TVs in their room now. 

And I love my treadmill. Wishing I would have had got months ago. I'm starting slow (20-25 mins a day, 5-6 days a week). I've increased my speed and distance. I would love nothing more then do a hour each day, but I know I have to work up to it. I don't ever plan on being a "runner" just I will admit I have done some jogging sprints durning my time. 

I've now added arm weights to my warm up and cool down period and average a speed of 4.5km/h. Again nothing most would be excited about but for me that's huge. I need to go slow because of my hernia (which is getting worse) but I also need to keep moving (which can't happen outside). I've always enjoyed working out. Loved going to the gym, but I just don't have the time, money or resource to be able to so I'm making a mini gym in my bedroom (boy can you tell I'm single 😝)

Can't wait for warm weather where we as a family can get out and really truly enjoy the outdoors!!!! This summer we will be doing outing like there's no tomorrow. Can't wait to go on hikes on all these beautiful trails we have in our area. Br g in the sun and warmth!!!! 

 

54 weeks later....

And he finally calls???

He's said he would 4 times now, and 3 wks ago when he asked again (the night before we left for GWL) I laid it all out for him

I told him that Wednesday night that he could not call them, explained that we were going away the next day and it wasn't fair to the children to have this happen and possibly wreck our trip. I also told him to take the weekend and really, whole heartedly think about this. This wasn't going to be a one time call. If he seriously wanted to take steps to rebuilding a relationship with his children he had to be in it 1000% cause I was not going to let them get hurt again.  

We had agreed that Wednesday would be the best day for everyones schedule. Well the Wednesday after our trip came and went, never heard a word from him so I assumed I had my answer....wrong 😕

Yesterday he texted me to see if he could still call and I said I would ask the kids if they wanted to talk to him if he was truly going to call. He said he would???

I picked the younger two up from the bus and on the way home asked if they would like to talk to there dad tonight?

Nathan of course started his goofy little laught and said yes

Dalton said YES! Then proceed to start crying. I explained to him that if he didn't want to or wasn't comfortable talking to him he didn't have to. No one was going to make him. He proceed to tell me they were happy tears cause his dad finally cares about him again (enter my tears)

Then I had to talk to Alex. I knew this was going to be a LONG shot but I had to ask and give him the option. He's response

(Remember he's 12 now)

"NO, why would I want to talk to someone who hasn't even tried to talk to me in over a year!" Put his earphones back in and refused to talk to me anymore. 

 Alex has some major issues we are going to have to work on before he will be ready to rebuild a relationship with his dad, if ever. 

He is legally old enough to make this decision on his own know (while I would want to say maybe not mature enough too), and I've always told him that if and when his dad made a move it was his choice. Not I (or anyone) would force him to talk or see his dad if he didn't want too.  Yes it breaks my heart that at 12 years old he has chosen not to have a relationship with his father however, he's been threw a lot with his dad in the last 3 years, he been hurt mentally and emotionally and as someone who has ASD this is the worse way to be hurt. He internalizes everything and over thinks everything.  

The call was short and sweet. I prewarned him that if the kids ask about sleeping over or going to his place he needed to tell him it would be a while before that could happen. They/we all need to rebuild this family and it will be a slow process. 

Each boy talked for about 5 mins. Dalton fought back the tears for the first few minutes (so his dad wouldn't hear him) and Nathan did his typical laugh more then I talk giggle (not sure why he gets so excited when he's on the phone?!!) I actually had to tell him to stop laughing and talk or he would have to get off the phone. I couldn't even understand what he was saying. 

Their dad asked me if it was ok with me if they talk to their step mom. Dalton choose not to and Nathan was again beyond excited! 

Nathan and his step mom have a special bond??? Not that I know why or understand it but I'm glad he can (and hope he continues to bond with them both). 

Their dad has agreed to call again next Wednesday night....fingers cross he sticks to his word!

And we're back!

What a great trip! The kids had a blast, the adults got to relax....and everyone made great memories. That what it's all about 

We lucked out and made it to the falls prior to the snow storm!!!! 

This time the kids received Paw Pass as a Christmas gift....would highly recommend them if your staying for 2 or more night! There's a lot to do with the pass. 

They were about to stuff an animal

 Create sand capsules (plus magnets that we decide to bring home to colour)

We bowled (sorry photo is a screen shot of a video)

They also received a gift from the spa, fudge (which we couldn't have cause it wasn't nut free), tokens for the arcade, photos from the water slide

And a game of Magic Quest....Dalton was beyond excited about this part. He's been asking and waiting to do this since our visit in 2013. 

They also received a pair of wolf ears (as photos) and a cool swim bag to hold all their treasure!  

Thursday night we were all in bed and asleep by 10pm (my dad worked the night before and didn't sleep prior to us leaving...silly guy). Friday night at the lodge they had a dance party. It was great to see all the family dance there hearts out! Nathan had a blast. We stumbled upon it on our way up from the water park. We stayed for a couple songs but my poor body couldn't handle waiting around in a cold wet bathing suit. 

This trip was that much better then our last one. 2 days is well worth the money over 1! I was physically able to do more with little man. Older 2 generally do there own thing in the water park and just check in every once in a while. 

Nathan and I hit up lots of water slide. Some were hits, some brought out tears and some will never be done again...LOL

He was big enough to do the middle class slide all by himself (they have a kiddy section, a middle kid section then a big kid/adult water slide section). First round both my mom and I joined him, I went first, then Nathan followed me, my mom went down the slide beside him. 

He had a blast and decide he was a big boy and went right back up to go again. 

Then Nathan and I hit the big kid water slide. I will admit I was a little nervous. I'm still a "big" girl and there is no graceful way to get in or out of tubes. On top of the fact that not only was my fibromyalgia still flared up but my knee wasn't cooperating. 

But I was determined to let Nathan do which ever slides he want and was able to do. We did 3 of 5 (there is 6 total but he wasn't big enough for the 6th...thankfully! It's considered a roller coaster). 

He did really good! I was scared his little 45lb body wasn't going to stay in the tube but he did. 

The tears came in on the second slide. We started off by dropping into a pitch black tunnel (hence the tears) then we spun around in the "toilet" bowl for about 5 rounds only to bounce off the next tunnel and be turned backwards to finish of the ride. After this one he was officially done with the slide. 

Sadly when we went to scan his bracelets to see photos we learned that it didn't work and we would have to do them again. It took me till the next day to get him back on them but we did get photos. 

Nathan didn't understand the Magic Quest (nor did I. I don't do well with riddles and puzzles), Alex lost his patience about 20mins in (this was day 1 and he had had enough of everything), Dalton could have went all night long!

The second day we attempted it again. Alex did much better after taking the time the night before to fully read the book (about 5 times and asked a lot of question). Dalton completed 4 of 12 quest by the end of day 2. 

Day 3 Alex ventured out on his own for the quest while my parents sat in the lobby (no fears I'm not one of those parents). He was able to complete 4 total quest. Dalton hit the water park briefly then went back to the quest. In total he completed 6 of 12 quest and Nathan and I hit up the water park for one last time before heading home.   

I was able to sit and relax with a hot cup of tea in the lobby kid free for about 2 hours while my dad entertained then in the arcade. 

I wish I had taken more photos, however it's seems impossible to do now that I physically do more with the kids. Next time we go I will be purchasing some of the waterproof cameras (as well as when we go to Florida). I'm gratefully my parents are able/willing to join us, I still could imagine a trip like this alone with 3 kids. As they are getting older I'm finding the age gap is getting harder. The older 2 are fine together as are the younger 2 but Alex and Nathan have 8 yrs between them and as Alex is becoming a teen he's just not into as much stuff (the ASD doesn't help either). 

We have all agreed that we will go back maybe in 2016.....till then we get ready for

  Shhhh the kids still don't know yet we're going!!!!!

Today's the day!!!!

It's finally here!!! We're headed out the door in 90mins for 2 nights and 3 glorious days of warmth, fun and relaxation!!! 

We're headed to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls for the second time. 

My body can't thank me enough after the freeze cold temps we have had lately. Their water park is a warm 28degrees celious (84 degress) ....it's currently -15 (5 degrees)with the wind chill. 

The kids are beyond excited....especially Nathan. He's been counting down the sleeps for about 2 wks now. 

He even asked if we could leave last night, which we couldn't cause my dad works night shift and doesn't get done work till 7am today. 

Nathan's been up since 5am, hopefully he has a nap in our 3 hour drive and HOPEFULLY the snow holds off till later today so we can get there safe! They are calling for 5-10cm of snow in the next 24hrs

I'm going to try and take photos but as I'm enjoying life more in noticing I'm more about living in the moment instead of capturing it (which is great for me but sucks when you try and look back in the experience). If only we could all have photographers follow us and capture life 

Time to kick start this body!

I'm now 4 months post op from my surgery, and the weight loss has started to slow again. 

I'm down a total of 113lbs since last April (68lbs since September). 

Eat is good....maybe to good some days!

Water intake is getting better!!!

So next step is to start really exercising. 

Because I'm laid off from 2 jobs and child support still isn't coming in, either is my EI I can't afford or justify going a gym (now that I have time daily to go of course) so instead I purchased some small items I can use at home till is warm enough to get outside and do more. 

I sold off the last of my fat girl clothes last week and instead of buying new one I bought this

The weight I purchased for $2 for both sets at a local used store and the steps I had to pay full price for 😕

But for less then $50 (including a new package of undies!!!!) I can get moving at home!!! 

My goal this week is to start slow, I need to be caution of my hernia....but I'm homing to do 30 mins each day. If all goes well next week I can increase my time or how many times a day I do it. 

I'm excited! I'm motivated! And if I stick to it, for my birthday I will teach my goal and reward myself with a treadmill! 

Wish me luck!💪

Another day, another possible issue for my boy

Today we went back to the allergist to get Nathan's blood results. I was in complete SHOCK and not in a good way

When Nathan was tested 18 months ago his level was 2.01, 3 weeks ago his level came back at 7.62. That's a HUGE jump even the doctor was kind of surprised. 

The only good thing about these result is he is no longer eligible to do a good challenge (where then make him eat his allergy under supervision and see how he reacts). This is a blessing. I can not imagine what would happen to him if he ever consumed a nut (of any kind). 

18 months ago they called to confirm his appointment and told me to pack a bag as they were going to do the food challenge at his next visit. Thankfully they didn't as his reactions where getting worse just threw contact 

Doctor has decided to keep him in his new inhaler daily till end of January, then I need to give it every other day for 2 wks, then every three days for 2 wks and finally ever 4 days for 2 week (good luck remember that schedule)

If at anytime his symptoms return or get worse I need to call his office and they will get us in with in three days (not bad for an office that is normally booking 6-8 months down the road). He has said that at this time he doesn't want to do any further test but if his asthma symptoms don't improve they want to do test for autoimmune disease (which is scary as it could be a number of things)

Now I don't know a lot about autoimmune disease but from what I have quickly read and previous new it could explain a lot about Nathan and his medical issues. 

As you may remember Nathan was born with 2 pools of blood on his brain which were causing him to have seizures, he was also born with blockages in his kidneys and ureter that will need to be reinserted into his bladder (we go back in March for his next check up). 

His food allergies started at 2 months old, diagnosed at 9 months olds, he's been test for diabetics as his sugar levels tend to run at the high end of normal, he has a rapid heartbeat, pale skin, increased appetite (without weight gain) and some other "small" issues. 

Which for a "normal" person/kid 1 of these things wouldn't mean much however when you roll them all together it could lead to other issues. 

So I'm still wrapping my head around all this new found information, praying that the new meds work and we don't have to do further test for autoimmune disease    

It breaks my heart when any kiddo has to go threw these test but it's so hard to watch your own child to continue to keep going threw them. 

Nathan actually had a small melt down at the doctors cause he wanted to go downstairs to give the butterfly another drink (aka give a blood sample). 

Fingers crossed and prayers said that my little man starts to get healthy and stays that way!

One of those day....

Were I wish my brain would JUST shut off. It's been running wild for the last couple nights and the last 2 days. 

I couldn't figure out what triggered the crazy, wild vivid dreams that started on Friday night till I wrote down the date today. 

It will be 3 years tomorrow that I found out the truth about where my life was headed. 3 years....already???? 

What a wild, crazy, sad, frustrating and exhausting 3 years it's been. 

If you would have asked me Jan 7,2012 what I though life would be like in 2015 it would be nothing like it is. 

Good and bad!

I never would have imagined I would finally go threw with bettering my life and having my weigh lose surgery, I would never imagine I would be working 5 (yes 5) part time jobs to keep a roof over or heads and food on the table. That I would be completely solo in raising my boys. That my ex would change as much as he has (especially towards the boys). 

I don't want to make it all sound bad cause it hasn't been. The boys and I have made many leaps and bounds, exciting memories, and a happy homelife.  But some days it just seems so repetitive    and exhausting. 

We have a very exciting year coming up. Lots of great memories will be made this year and a lot of hard work (on all our parts) made it happen. 

3 years ago, I would never imagine that my kids would go over 11 months (and counting) with out having communication with their father, that I would stop receiving financially help in raising them,  or that I would hold such hatred toward someone I spent almost half my life with and had 3 children with. 

It's funny how such small things can trigger memories and emotions, good and bad. It's also funny how those trigger always seem to hit me when I'm not alone and can't let my emotions get the best of me (which maybe better). I've wasted to much time thinking, wondering and crying about how I though my life was going to turn out, how I had no control in the changes that were thrown at me and to this day still have no control. 

3yrs later and it still seems like my life is being controlled by my ex and his selfishness and his new found ugliness. 

I hope and pray someday he grows up, smartness up and realized how much he has hurt his children (and I don't mean by breaking our family up but by walking away completely from them) 

3 years ago I was told that it takes till the 3 yr mark to conpletely grieve a loss (death or marriage) and as I hit this mark I'm starting to believe it's true. 

I've come to realize that I am whole heartily ready to move forward with life, I'm ready to open myself up and let the possibility of someone new coming into my life (if there is actually any normal ones out there????) 

I pray that someday I can find that person who was meant to come into my life to fill this void that I've been feeling for a while now, that can be a male my children can look up to, that can except myself and my boys (with all the issues that intakes) and love 120% for who we are....wish us luck! 

  

Holidays in a post

Well we survived the holiday season 😜

We stayed at my parents for 7 days (normal for us). 

Christmas was so relaxing, we took out time opening gifts and enjoying them. 

The kids loved all their gift so did my parents and myself. We were all spoiled as per usual. Every year we say we're going to cut back and every year I think we forget!

The boys are very excited for our getaway to Great Wolf Lodge at the end of January. Especially because it's a 3day/2night trip this time around and they all received PAW passes. 

We all received tickets to see Disney on Ice last Sunday. My BFF and her family joined us. This was the first time Nathan has attended. The smiles on his face were worth every single penny!  This is something that we all did many years ago (back when both of us only had 2 kids...LOL)

I'm hoping to make a date with Mr. Nate for our spring break to see the Frozen show! 

This year was a little different then what we are all use too,normally my parents host a family Christmas on Boxing Day (December 26), but this year they opted not too. We still had a small get together with some of the family. 

It was so nice and relaxing to not be stressing and food prepping all night Christmas Day. We decided to have a spaghetti dinner as our Christmas dinner. 

On Boxing Day we had the traditional sit down dinner with Turkey and ham and all the trimmings. 

We set up tables (both and adult and kids table) and all 13 of us sat and enjoyed dinner and conversation.

Typically we would have 23-27 people crammed into my parents basement and pre Nathan we would do eithe pot luck dinner or order dinner out. In more recent years we order out from Nathan safe restaurant and I do all the baking and other food prep so that I can keep him as safe as possible when there are that many people around. See where the stress part came in. 

Even though I took on the role of cooking both meals this year as well, it was so laid back it didn't seem like such enormous task. 

Because of the Disney on Ice show, my BFF and her family had an extended stay. 

Her hubby cooked us all breakfast the morning of the 27th, I had dinner duty the night of the 27th and then they had dinner duty after the show in the 28th. 

Essie pessie! Everyone had a say in what would be made/eat and not once did I have to be concerned about Nathan being safe. She completely understands how anxious I get when it comes to feed him. 

Monday night after work we "moved" back home...and we were all ready to be back in our own home and beds! 

New Years year I took the time to unpack and reorganized the house (my dinning room is now a kidcave) 

The boys received tablets for Christmas so we were able to eliminate our giant table/computer desk and now have a couch. The boys no longer have a tv in there room (which is making bedtime much more peaceful). 

We rang in the new year with a family movie night, Night at the Museum and Night at the Museum 2 (both I highly recommend for a family night!). Apparently the 3rd on is coming to theatres shortly so we will have a family night @ the movies to see it (a girlfriend of mine surprised me with movie passes for the entire family!) 

Speaking of suprises, as funny as this is, the friend I told you about that myself, my mom, my BFF and another girlfriend adopted for Christmas,suprises me (with the help of my mom) with a beautiful painting that almost brought tears to my eyes. 

I love it! It's now hanging proudly in my room and I get to wake up to it every morning. It truly you ha my heart that with everything she had in her plate this holiday season she took time out to paint this for me.  Oh and as far as I'm aware she hasn't figured out who her secret Santa was.....hehehe 🎅

After 2 weeks of unscheduled routines Ivan honestly say we are ALL ready to get back in track! Back to school & back to routine! 

Couple extra pictures....

Christmas Eve

6 kiddos @ The beach checking out the beautiful light display!

Can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for myself and my kiddos....hopefully we will continue to be blessed with happiness, love and health....and maybe a new friend?!?! 😝