To say my nerves are on end is putting it mildly. I'm literally sick to my stomach waiting for these results. I'm so afraid to know the truth about what is really going on inside of me. Some would think its strange, normally I'm the type of person who wants to know so we can move forward. With my kids this is true, I want the answers, the treatment, the game plan and NOW!
However when it comes to my own health and well being, I'm more of a well, something isn't right, something seems off, yes I'm in pain but ill survive, yes all the signs are there but if I don't ask then I don't know the truth. I can live with the consist pain I deal with daily, I can live with the fact my mensural cycle will never be right, I can live with the fact that no matter how hard I honestly try I will never loss the amount of weight I want to. But in this case, I fear the worst, I have had a feeling for awhile that something isn't right, something is off. But with the holidays and dealing with our first holidays as a "new" family, I allowed myself to wait till my next scheduled appointment to deal with my fears. I went In to that appointment determined to get answer. If not from him from another doctor. But he shocked me, he did tests and ultrasound and tomorrow hopefully I get the full results. Hopefully I find out if I do I fact have cancer or what ever else it may be.
Honestly, I do t think I'm going to know tomorrow. I think in going to go in, he will say he's not sure what it is, the results don't really show anything but we will go ahead with surgery and do a biopsy afterwords. So yes I may get answers, but I don't think it will be the answered I want and that i have a feeling I still have a long wait ahead of me...and I'm not sure I can handle waiting any longer :(
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