Sleep.....

This 5 letter word has left my life. I'm not sure where it went it or why.
2 weeks ago I ordered some new bed for my boys. So to say my house has been an uproar for the last couple weeks it putting it mild. Top it off with the joys of winter in Ontario, I have also lost water numerous times as well.f
So 2 weeks ago the kids and I packed up and went to stay at my Parents. Yes I'm thankful I can do this however 2 weeks of staying at some one else house with 3 kids and 2 other adults who work different shift....not my idea of fun!

We are ready to come home, sleep in are own beds, eat our own meals and not share 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom with 6 people !

So the new beds are scheduled to arrive on Wednesday so by the time my kids come home from their dads this weekend we will officially be back home!

Now back to this whole lack of sleep???
I normally can sleep for 3-4 hours and feel great! Yes you read that right. 3-4 hrs a night and I'm good. However for the last couple if years my dreams have made this impossible

After little man was born and dealing with all that I started taking medication for my panic attack/anxiety issues. I have tried many different ones and my current ones I have had the least amount of side effects too. The issue is the dreams. They are so vivid, realistic, and strange. They contain current and past people in my life, as well as issues, and just stuff that doesn't make scene.

For example:
The other night, my dream consisted of myself, my ex, his current girlfriend, my 3 kids (who always seem to be faceless???), my old boyfriend from high school and snookie and Vinny (from the jersey shore)

What was the dream about??? Well that's the thing, it flips back and forth. One minute I'm living in the shore house, the next I'm back in high school, sitting in class, then I'm in court fight the new girlfriend about custody of my kids (yes not fighting my ex but his girlfriend)

Most would think. Oh that's not that bad, it could be something you watched or something on your mind before you went to bed.

Not the case, it's EVERYNIGHT, and the dreams get weirder, and even if I wake up, when I go back to sleep it continues. Its like a bad movie that never ends.

Now yes I will admit that the stress in my life has been up, just went I started to think life was going better, and my ex had grown up and truly moved on, he does stupid mean things to continue to control my life. Things that I honestly can't control, thinks I can't change, things that effect my life even when I don't want them too.
It's a game he has liked to play for sometime now.

To top that off I'm working extra shifts, we are almost done our winter soccer season, my list of appointments has increased and I'm dealing with issues for the kids alone.

So yes, as I write this it does kind of make sense as to why I'm not getting restful sleeps. But this is my life and at this point I can't change any of it. So some how I need to find a way to add that sleep
back in!

back in