To put things mildly, middle man has had some issues. Not "medically" so to speak but yes medically. Middle man is extremely emotion, easily set off, has a temper, and is extremely shy....all rolled into one, he is a child that either likes you or he doesn't and depending on theat minute depends on how his feeling.
He is a talent, extremely smart, always asking questions to learn new stuff, loves to take things apart just so he can try and put them back together, over all well balanced child. But then there are moments when I haven't a clue who that person is living in my sons body. I can look into his eyes and they are blank?
No this isn't just since our split up, its been since birth. Middle man was a temperamental child to put it nicely. All he ever did was cry, nothing made him happy except to be moving. As I deal with my oldest and youngest sons, i see so much of both of them in the middle one...now knowing that my oldest has aspergers and the food allergies the youngest has, roll them together and you have middle man.
Middle man I know now, had GERDs. Like I said he was such a cranky, crusty baby that unless he was in his swing all he did was cry...morning, noon and night....it was a running joke that if you woke him, you dealt with him till he went back to sleep. It really wasn't a joke, I hated when people came over cause yes to look at him, he was the cute, chubby, dark haired (LOTS of hair) baby that looks so sweet and innocent till he work up. And I'm sure your thinking, really how bad could it have been....it was bad...There were points in my life were I thought if I could just give him to my parents for a bit i would be a better parent, I would be happier parent to my other child....yes I can now admit, I had extreme postpartum depression. Of course I didn't know it at the time, but looking back I should have went for help.
So yes we survived threw the years, and middle man grew, he was still crusty (as his nickname stands to date).
He was a very curious toddler, he was into anything and everything, he loved to play, loved to read, colour everything that a normal toddler or child would love...but then the "other" child would show up out of no where and send the house upside down. We did everything we could to make sure this child didn't come often, we gave into middle more then we should have to avoid situation.
But really there was no avoiding them. Most thought he was just spoiled (and I'm sure on the outside looking in, it did seem that way) but he wasn't. He had "issues".
I will admit that when middle mans issues came to a head, we were knee deep in a fight to keep big man in school and off meds.
Jump ahead to the last year, YES things got worst with the split, however I was still managing thing....that was till the day where after life not going his way I heard middle man in the bathroom yelling....at his self. It still breaks my heart to even thing about it. But to over hear your 7 yr old yelling at himself in the third person, telling himself, that if he would just listen and have patience he wouldnt have to hit himself for doing it wrong, he wouldn't have to hit the wall and pull his own hair.
Yes he was having this conversation with himself, at that point I knew I had to get help and FAST!
So I called our local child/family agency that could help, we were put on the waiting list and thankfully only had to wait 2 weeks to get an appointment. After meeting with them myself, it was decided that we would start with some counseling for middle man...ya nice try.
We went twice. First time he wouldn't even go in the office, he refused to come inside the lobby, he sat between the doors (it has a double entrance) and cried that he wouldn't be like this anymore, he would listen, he would stop yelling and crying if I only took him home and didn't make him go inside and talk to anyone...yep I was in tears, hell the councler was close herself...she was floored.
So we book a second appointment, this time it was with the understanding that I would go with him into the room and talk to C with him...yep OK sounds good. I even suggest that he brings Koala with him (yes he is 7...now almost 8 and still sleeps every single night with a stuffy) just in case he got nerves or scared. I explain that he didn't have to talk about anything he didn't wants to (wrong choice of words I guess) that all he had to do was answer some questions the C had about him.
So the day comes, I pick him up from school, I have Koala, and off we go. He came in the building this time (yes i step closer), then C came out to bring us in....he we go again, the same situation as the week before. After 20 minutes of her and I talking in the main waiting room (thankfully no one else was there) we decide maybe we should try a family session? Maybe then he would be more comfortable if big man were with us and all the attentions was on middle man.....well needless to say that didn't work either.
It wasn't until the day that after 4 tries that C seen or should I say heard what I was talking about, middle man wanted to keep a set of cards that he had been playing with in the room, and after both myself and C explained he couldn't, he processed to try and hide them in his shirt...Well I caught him, which of course set him off. He ran out of the room, down the hall and locked himself in the bathroom. By the time C caught up his was in the middle of his rant to himself in the 3rd person....she was horrified....I honestly don't thinks she believed me when I said he did it. She had tears in her eyes.
It took 5 mins to get his to unlock the door and come out.
We haven't been back since October, where at that point it was decided we were wasting every ones time by trying to force him to talk, they suggested I talk with our paediatrician...great idea....about what?
What am I going to him for? what do you think is wrong with my child?
We seen the doctor last week, after many tears, and heartfelt conversation with the rock, I knew going into the appointment what was going to be said...or so I thought.
I was sure that his main issue is anxiety, I have it, his brother has it, its the exact same path that big man took.
So I answer all the question, state my case and the dr (who I highly respect, and trust) says well it could be one of two things...it could be anxiety (in which case we treat with medication and counseling) or given everything you have told me it could be Autism.....WHAT!
How did we get there? I was confused, floored and scared all at the same time...of all the things I though he would say Autism wasnt even close.
He explained it like this, given middles mans delay in speech, fine motor skills, hearing issues, visionary issues,and temperament, even though he wasn't suffering academically, he had all the signs of a highly functionial autistic child OR a child with sever aniexy. Yep that right we could be on either end.
He said both at this point would be treated the same way (with a medication for anxiety) the way we will tell which it is, is if in 6 months of being on the medication nothing has changed we can rule out it just being anxiety....again Im floored? really its that simple???
"well No" he says, but at that point we can continue to test for autism and see how far we can get. His main concern at this point is to get him to stop physicaly harming himself, stop talking to him self in the 3rd person yet continue to allow him to function as well as he is in school!
So as it stand right today, we have started a low dose anxiety medication (almost a week in, could take up to 6 to see results) we go back to him in 3 months at which time we will decide wiether or not its helping, made things worst (in which case i need to call asap) or there is no change.
Thankfully we see him in March for big man so I really dont have to wait 3 months to talk to him again about middle man
So on top of my own medical issues Im having, dealing with food allergies, a child who has aspergers and an ex who thinks its ok to treat me like shit...some could say...how the hell do you hold it together???
This question I have been asking myself a lot lately!
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