What am I suppose to do???

Lately I feel as if my entire life is being controlled by other people. my ex, my kids, my parents (well my mom), bosses....and anyone else who seems to come along. 

I feel as if I'm being torn in 5 different directions and the only solution is to run in that 6th direction. 

I would have never said I was in an abusive relationship, however for the last 20 months I've been completely mentally  and verbally abused to the point I keep giving in just to make him go away. I know it doesn't make sense to me either...we split up, but almost every aspect of my life still seems to be under his control. I've mentioned before that the time my kids spend with their dad, I work extra shift, any other time I work I'm grateful to have my parents watch the children so that I don't have to pay a sitter (really if I did pay one I would be in the whole after my shift at work). 

I'm proud to say that I don't receive ANY government assistance to raise my child, however the catch to that is I am dependent on my child support as my main source of income. That being said I constantly feel like I have I tip toe around my ex so he doesn't be a complete arse and not make his next payment. 

My shift I do work at the hospital basically pay off the debt I was left with from our divorce and if I'm lucky a couple coffees (honestly if I didn't love the job I would have been gone long ago) 

So here lies my issues this week, as I'm sure you have read, my ex admitted to drinking while having the children in his care. I made it clear that I will not have it happen again, does that means no more over night visits??? does it means supervised visited??? I'm not sure. I have no idea how to legally go about enforcing this???

All I do know is that if I do let this slide, it will continue to happen over and over again until something BAD happens, and I'm not willing to chance that. 

I'm going to meet with the lawyer again tomorrow to see if I can get some answers. But I will admit that I'm scared shitless they are going to say there nothing I can do to enforce this until something happens. That until he screws up to the point the kids are put I extreme danger that my hand will be tied. 

Another twist, he has made it perfectly clear that he will NOT do supervised visits, he will stop them all together before someone tell him when or where he can see his children and for how long. 

He refuses to do anything other then what is currently in place. 

Tonight he came right out and told me he things it crazy that I even have this rule in place, that I think I can control what he does when he has the kids and that he would put them in danger or risk his license (he drives truck)

I pointed out that unless he were to drink and drive his license wasn't in danger (which he never would). 

If I stop the visits (which my heart and brain tells me is what need to happen) then I either need to pay someone to watch my kids or quite my job (my patents are willing to help but they both work full time and won't watch them every weekend...not that I expect them too). 

Even though the income I would loses isn't much it still pays all my debt, and with out that job I wouldn't be able too. 

Im literally crying just thinking about how much pain and stress this guy continues to put on my life. 

However if I throw another theory into the mix, maybe this is his whole game plan???

Maybe he drank knowing that I wouldn't stand for it (kind of like the cheating), maybe he's not man enough to admit that this is really what he wants...to walk away an not look back (which again, I've had the gut feeling since he left that if he could and not look like a deadbeat he would). The only thing he has done is pay child support on time... Any and all other things that were agreed on, have changed (and I mean ALL). 

He has also made it perfectly clear all other aspects of our agreement would stand as is (minus visits)

I always say, the only reason support has never been an issue (other then the amount paid) is because if he doesn't pay he looks bad, every other issue he twists around to make is seem like its my fault and I'm the one causing all the issues ....not letting his take the kids, not drinking, not meeting his wife sooner, not being able to have them over night when he didn't have a house (cause you know a responsible father would try all this)

Which path do I take? Do I follow my heart? Do I listen to my gut? Do I give in again and pray that nothing happens to the kids? Or do I put my foot down, quite my job and tell him to walk???