Big Man

Big Man is 9, he is a very quite, curious, energetic, lovable boy. He loves to learn, loves to share with you what he learns. Its been a long road to get him to this point but with a little time he will grow to love you!

When big man was born he was the "perfect" baby. From the day we came home from the hospital he slept threw the night (7pm - 7am!!!), he would sit and play all by himself for hours, you could place him on a blanket and he would move all over but never get off the blanket...the child every first time mom dreams of!
At the age of 2 we happened to notice that big man didn't really talk, sure he said mom and dad but over all that was about it. So we went to a local children's development centre and started him with a developmental worker! After his first couple visits they recommended we start speak therapy (he was almost 3 now) as well as bi-weekly home visits. Sure he was a quite child but they wanted to make sure because he wasn't in daycare that he was developing correctly.

Everything was going really well, speech was coming along great, he was right on track.... then came the first day of school. Because of were we live big man would have to be bussed to school but seeing as he is our first child I took him to school and he would take the bus home. I was under the impression that everything went great, never heard from the school so no news is good new....right???

I go and meet him up at the bus, he is extremely excited, chatting up a storm, excited to share everything the day entailed. There was a message on the phone when we got home, the teacher called to say that the day was very rough, big man wouldn't sit for story time (???), he was running all over the place (???) he hit the teacher (???) he threw food at lunch (???). Her recommendation was to keep him at home till we had a chance to meet and talk about things further....did this lady call the wrong number? was she really talking about my son? Of course when I called to talk to her, the school was closed and I had to wait till the next day to find out what the heck was going on.
After talking with her and find out that she didn't call the wrong number I was floored...right away I call the children's centre to talk to his worker, i think she was more floored then I was. She said she would change her appointments for the following day and would attend the meeting with us, His speech therapist as well as the coordinator of the centre would also be attending.
At the meeting we hear again everything that "happened" all 3 people from the centre made the comment that there is no way we are all talking about the same kid, there has never been any signs of violent or outburst like this the entire time they have been working with him (over 2 years at this point). The teacher and principal explained that they thought it was in the best interest of the class and big man if he took the rest of the week off and come back on the following Monday and slowly work up to a full day of school, they suggested that we start with an hours in the class with us present, then work up to an hour with us in the school but not in class, ect ect. Hopefully by Christmas he would be able to attend normal days....WHAT?
So after the appointment the people from the centre and us were talking outside the school and they suggest that we do wait a week or so and explore other options. Maybe it was to much for him and we just didn't know. Maybe we should try a nursery school program first and see how that goes.
To make what could be a 3 post process, we decided to switch school (the first was a catholic and he is now in a public school). His JK teacher at the new school was AMAZING!!!! He son was a lot like little man and shed a lot of light of what was going on. Yes he was have issues, but after 2 wks it was determined that as long as he new what to expect next he was having great days.....who would have ever thought that at age 4 a school day was to much of a change in his routine to allow him to function.
SK was a lot of the same, the DW worked with the school and set up some easy cues for the teacher to allow him to know what was coming next...again another great school year!
Then came Gr1....what a long, hard struggle the first 2 months of that school year was. We were called in every week to meet with the teacher with issues :(
By January of that year we gave in and said sure we will contact a pedi"s dr to see what he suggest (she was pushing the fact she thought he has ADHD and need to be medicated, keep in mind she also thinks that 8 of the 17 kids in the class need it as well)
So we meet the dr, after a hour long appointment he agrees with us, he doesn't think he has ADHD but he does agree there is something that is happening at school. So he does give us a medication to try....it doesn't work, if anything it makes the outburst worst. So back to the Dr we go, he starts to wonder if maybe he has anxiety issues? Could the change in his routine be causing the issues, could the environment that he is in be over stimulating him??? ALL is true, unfortunately the teacher he had that year is very old school, she believes children should sit and do their work, raise there hand, not more (unless in gym) and be the "perfect student. Well for anyone who has a 6yr old they know that doesn't happen, especially when you put 17 kids in a class room that has SO much going on. There was a word wall, math wall, reading corner, birthday calendars, weather reports, book, toys, arts and crafts, a carpeted area, cupboards and everything else they could possibly jam into a room that was maybe 48 feet long by 30feet wide. Not to mention the 18 desk and chairs and people. It was lot to take in especially for a child who has stimulation issues.
We made it threw GR 1 (barely) and started GR 2!!! With new teachers, new class room and new class mates will this be the year that big man makes it with out being labeled???
NOPE, he does do much better, the teachers were willing to work with the centre's ideas and Gr 2 was a very big success. As was GR 3.
Every time we visit the pedi's dr I ask does he have ADHD and to this day he still says NO, big man has major anxiety issues, doesn't like change, doesn't like not knowing whats going to happen. He does have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and with a very low dose of medication, he is able to manage himself much much better during the school day.

So to bring you up to present time, Big man is dealing with the stress of the split just how I figured he would :(
He blames himself, he thinks that if he could control himself more then daddy wouldn't have left, had he not have argued with his brother or father, had he cleaned his room more, had he been a "perfect" child, that his father would still be here. He has become very very quite, even if you asking him questions to engage him in a conversation you will only get one word answers. He tries his hardest not to bug anyone, he hides out in his room and reads. No matter how much I tell him I love him and so does his dad and that it was NOTHING he did or could have done to change this. You can still see in his eyes just how worried he is, just how sad he is, just how confused.
I think that because this split didn't happen like most, there was no fighting, no yelling, no screaming, we were getting along great, we had just gone threw Christmas and the holiday and to the outside looking in we were a happy family. This is why it will take a long time for him to understand that there is nothing he could ever do to make us not love him.